Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
