Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
