Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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