ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
