guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
