He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
