are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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