Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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