things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
