I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
