ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
