The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
