Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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