i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
