That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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