So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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