so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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