im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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