I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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