do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
