I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
