I want to make a zoo with you.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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