arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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