I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
