At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
