Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
