What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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