well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
