sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize