So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Houston, we have a squirter
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
