So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
