Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize