How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
