so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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