I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
