And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
