am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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