Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
