never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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