It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
