allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
