did you get engaged???
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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