I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
