I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize