and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Floor bacon is actually really good
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
