UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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