He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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