peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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