She's JV to your varsity
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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