i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
