tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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