I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
