My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize