what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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