the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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