i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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