I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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