I met the friendliest cop last night
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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