GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
