So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
