The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
