Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
