i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
