Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize