How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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