TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
