If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
