...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
