we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
