There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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