I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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