Even the bartender felt bad for me
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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