dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
