I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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