I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize