There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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