Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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