A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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