then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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