Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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