I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
