Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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