He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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