it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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