Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
