that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
