I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
