So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize