Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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