Your dad touched me again.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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